Fear and Faith - Sunday August 7, 2011

Today's lesson in church was about fear and faith. How fear can have a tight grip on your heart. However, if you have faith in the Lord, he will bring you through it.
  Since becoming a new mom fear overwhelms me. Fear does have a tight grip on my heart. It is ironic because I recently read a blog (Power Shower - check it out!) from a really good friend of mine and she was discussing the same issue. I think she would have enjoyed the service today. Anyways, the message came from scripture Matthew 14:22-36 - I am not gong to quote it word by word but it was powerful. It was about how Peter was in the boat on the sea and heard a voice fearing it was a ghost - he asked it if it were God and it was - He said "come" to Peter and Peter got out of the boat, focused on the Lord and walked on water for a few steps - once the wind came, fear took over and Peter started sinking. He lost focus on God. Distractions are all over the place - we just need to keep focused.

The message hits home for me because I need to let go of fear - I need to give God my fear. If I don't it will have control over me. I need to trust God - honestly, that is hard for me to do. Fear of the unknown, fear that something bad, heartbreaking, life changing will happen and I don't know if I can handle that. I guess that is where TRUST comes in?? I need to TRUST that God has a plan for me and my loved ones, He knows what He is doing.

What ended the service on an even better note was that Pastor Jim played "Fire and Rain" by James Taylor on acoustic guitar - GOOD STUFF!

you can't go around the fear - you have to go through it -faith will get you through it

put on a happy face!

Legwarmers

Music I miss you!

Oh how I miss thee....I do, I really miss you! You makes me happy! You take me away to the special place (I just got sidetracked singing "Sweet child o mine"..hahaha) - a place where I can dance like a fool and sing along without a care. You are good for my soul. You are aways there to help me get through hard times and to celebrate the good ones. Oh how I miss thee.

Homesick

HHMMM...a little homesick...I've been staying at my moms the last 3 days and I must admit I miss the commonality of home. I always look forward to a weekend at moms  - it's a little intermission of reality so to speak. However this weekend, not so much. This weekend shall be tagged the weekend of sleepovers at Gabby's house. It is really a good thing that Lucy hangs out with all her cousins - I just wasn't expecting it!
Some can be little bit theatrical at times but what can you do? they are just kids...that's what I keep having to tell myself - and really, it is a form a birth control. Am I ready to have two kids? Can I handle this? will my kids be like this? Lord help me!!!

feels good!

Legoland butterflies - BEAUTIFUL!

I think I finally found a church I feel comfortable with. I went to service on Sunday Fathers day and it was JUST what I needed. It feels good, I feel good - much better since my last jaded post.
   Besides the rough start to the weekend it ended on a pleasant note. Fathers day was beautiful! We took Lucy to see papa Jim's grave, then ate dinner at my moms. My mom cook and grilled all my dads favorites which happened to be my husbands favorites as well. =)  I am again reminded not to sweat the small stuff - life is too short.

ramblings

Marriage is sometimes a battle...why? Is it a test of strength and will? Sometimes I look at my husband and think - he does not get it! All I want is for him to listen. It feels as if we are constantly butting heads - SO FRUSTRATING. I have learned to pick my battles - but him...nope! I know I can be a brat and this blog is totally one sided, but I just need to be heard.
When he is home, one thing I look forward to is a nice relaxing shower. He can watch Lucy while I can FINALLY have a moment to myself (please don't misunderstand, I LOVE and cherish every moment with her, but a girl needs a break!). Every single time, and I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME he rushes me because he has things to do. Now, he is a great father to her - but what's up with that? I'm working 24/7 and that shower is a moment of peace, clarity, reflection, relaxation, selfishness, etc, etc, etc....moms you know what I'm talking about right? ugh
This blog may seem petty and foolish but I feel better when I write. This simple task of taking a shower led into a full blown argument. I am sure there are more issues below the surface that were involved. We have retreated to our corners and are taking a break from each other - barely saying a word only if we have to. He is in "his" garage and I am in the bedroom wishing I was tired enough to go to sleep. I hate arguing, especially that tomorrow is his first fathers day and I will probably have to give in and be nice..wah wah wah. I am a believer that men have their "time of the month". I'm feeling frustrated, stressed and a little lost - I need to get over this.
Thanks for listening =)

Half way

Half way through this busy month and trying to stay positive. I saw this photo on photo bucket and I thought "citrus...citrus = spring, spring = happy" - trying to stay happy..woke up grumpy and tried so very hard not to let that be outlook of my day. Hope you have a happy day! 

Slow down

This whole week I've been having strange dreams - strange scary dreams. Always, when this happens to me something in my life changes. It happened anytime I got a new job, new house, before I got married, and before I got pregnant. This has happened too often to call a coincidence. I'm trying not to over think this and go with the flow - but being a new mom it adds to the basket of worries. Maybe it's because I worry too much or I am stressed that I am having these dreams?? Maybe it was to worn me that I was going to slip down the stairs today with Lucy in my arms (THANKFULLY she was not hurt) - was that God trying to tell me to slow down? I think so...life has been really busy lately - every time I turn around there is some event happening - needless to say I have too many balls in the air and one is about to drop. I'm going to try and put these thoughts to rest and give it God. My life is in Gods hands and he will do what is best for me.
On a GREAT note - today is Lucy's 8 month birthday!! yay!! I can't believe our munchkin is 8 months already. She is my BFF and amazes me everyday. Love you Lucy Jo!!!    xoxoxo

Good morning!

Good morning to you! I made cinnamon rolls this morning & for not being a roll type of gal, these turned out pretty good. I have to thanks Trader Joe's for that..lol. To all the moms out there hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day! Myself being a new mom I'm kinda excited to celebrate my first Mother's Day. I'm going to make this a GREAT and positive weekend - hope  you do the same.

my my how time flies by.....

WOW, May is a busy month for us - we have plans every weekend until mid-June. REALLY! I don't think I've ever been this busy. Showers, weddings, birthdays, reunions, house warming, mothers day, fathers day..etc.. The list keeps growing..lol. I'm not really complaining - I guess I should be blessed to have so many important people in our lives - it just makes the time go by that much faster. I must remember to stop and enjoy the moment at hand - especially with Lucy, she is getting soooo big!

My little Lucy is growing by the minute...she fills my heart that it overflows out my pores. I never knew I could love like this - it is amazing! We spent the weekend at my moms house and Lucy got some good Gabby time. We are so looking forward to the summer and all the fun to be had.
Easter is upon us and we are looking forward to Lucy's first Easter. I miss the tradition of Easter that my family had when I was little - my mom tries to keep it going the best she can, but with extended and growing family it is not easy.  I guess that is what happens as time goes by. So, on the upside we are going to start those traditions for Lucy - it warms my heart to know how much she is loved.
 Happy Easter to you and many blessings!

stay connected

A very important person (my mom) once said.."it is important to keep those connections with family & friends" - this I believe is very true. There is a reason people are in your life and if you're like me some of them are blessings. Yes, we might lose touch when life gets crazy but what is momentous is the endless connection. I feel blessed to have the bonds I do & it is my goal t keep them alive. It's not only about me, maybe they need me as much as I need them.. =)  With that said - today was a GREAT day..Lucy had her 6 month check up and she is doing great. She had to get 4 shots so that was hard bot otherwise she did AWESOME. Lucy is so strong and motivated it amazes me - I am THE PROUDEST mommy!

Finally Friday

Thank goodness!! even though I am a stay at home mom - it has been a rough week..jeeesh! I am looking forward to the weekend - hopefully some good family time. I'm also thinking about going to the Relief Run in Santa Monica this Sunday - It's a relief run for Japan - the run is only 2 miles but the drive to S.M. is almost 2 hrs. - so we'll see what happens. I am looking forward to ending this week with a glass of wine and starting fresh with a positive head. I'm coming up on my 1 month anniversary of blogging - so far so good!

Spring a ding ding

This mini rose bush was given to Lucy by her grandma for Valentines day -  All the buds are starting to open and they are so beautiful and so fragrant. I can't wait for the warmer weather to come - well, not too warm. I live in the high desert so it can get a little warm in the summer. This is our first spring in our new house with our partially landscaped backyard and I'm itching to get out there and start planting. I still need to get familiarized with the regional plants and what will do well in this climate. Definitely succulents and I do love succulents. However, I also love vegetable gardens. Hmm, need to get organized!

PROVERB 15:18

"A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
   but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
I really needed this proverb today. I read something that made me "hot tempered" and instead of reacting right away - I vented to my husband, took a shower, and calmed down. Like I have said in the previous post - this is going to be a good month/year - I am working on me - becoming a better, patient me. I am going to  be the best mother, wife, daughter and friend I can this year - so I am looking for all the positive tools to lead in that direction. BTW, I am now the proud Godmother of my wonderful nephew "LUCKY" LIAM.

The heart of the matter

After I posted last night I resolved the issues going on with my mom and my husband (they were two separate issues by the way). Feeling good that I'm starting the month on a positive note - I go to bed. I have this CRAZY dream that I have to have a heart transplant..??? I know right!!! weird!! I am big on dreams and their meanings.. I have a couple dream dictionaries - I only have weird dreams when something significant is happening. So I look up "heart" - it reads - "To see your heart in your dream, signifies truth, courage, love, and romance. It is representative of how you are currently dealing with your feelings and expressing your emotions. Also consider the saying "the heart of the matter" which implies that you may need to get down to the core of a situation before proceeding". Crazy because that is exactly what I am feeling. In the conversation with my husband  - we did get to "the heart of the matter" - as well as with my mother - and it took some courage on my part to do that...to add to that, the whole transplant thing has a reason also - "To dream that you have a heart transplant or heart surgery, indicates a huge change in your personal relationship. Perhaps you are involved in a rebound relationship". not necessarily a rebound - but definitely a change - a change with me and how I deal with my relationships with friends and family.
Anyways - it was a revelation and I just had to share with you.
Thanks!

Off to a good start

Hello March! I'm starting this month with a good attitude...I've been inspired by some others blogs I've been reading - so thinking positively I'm stepping into this month on the upside =). So this morning Lucy and I did our grocery shopping, went to Lowes and did a little garden shopping - I must say I LOVE TO GARDEN..It is my therapy (however, now living in the high desert I am limited)...pulled some weeds and planted some plants. Off to a good start....now, remembering I ended February on a bad note - I guess I should mend those broken lines of communication with two important people in my life..my husband and my mother...ugh...wish me luck!

Here we go!

Fresh to the blogging world, Lucy and I begin our first post. It's been about 5 months since I've arrived at the unaccustomed place called "stay at home mom" ville. It's a little scary at times, as any unknown territory would be...but we're pretty lucky to be here. Lucy was born 10 weeks early and weighed in at 2 pounds. She stayed in the NICU for 6 weeks, luckily with no problems - she just needed to gain weight. We are thankful everyday that she made it out ok.
Two months prior my husband and I got married. Two months prior to that we purchased our new house. Needless to say 2010 was a BIG year for us =) . Which brings me to this blog - I need an outlet. I journal a little bit for Lucy - I started it when she was in the NICU so she has something to look back on - but this is for me. For me to vent, cry, laugh, share, plan, and daydream.
talk to you soon!